Familia y Los Amigos - They Love You. Always and Forever

Jimmie and Michele

My wife and I have dreamed of living abroad for a long time now.  We visited Mexico some time ago along with our friends, Jimmie and Michele.  That trip only fanned our flames of that dream.  We did not hotel in Cancun.  We are not the Cancun type (this may surprise you in a moment). We chose to rent a beach house called Casa del Cielo south of there; near a tiny fishing village called Puerto Morelos. It was the best vacation we ever took. We spent quite a lot of time in Puerto Morelos, met the locals, ate the fish, enjoyed life, fell in love with it.  Fast forward.

Puerto Morelos has been found by others. Many, many others.  What would have been affordable to us then is so for out of our stratosphere now that it is staggering.  We searched and hunted, determined to find something, anything there.  It became evident that it was not going to happen.  It also became evident that it might not be safe there anymore.

He do what he do.

We watched a lot of HHI (House Hunters International) trying to get ahead of the curve, looking for new ideas.  As it turns out, there are quite a few Americans looking for something different.  All have their own reasons but the romantic in me believes it boils down to one immutable fact.  We are at heart, explorers. Adventurers of the world.  We have our reasons.  As few or as many as we need, but we want to wander.  We have the traveling bone.  The two hundred and seventh bone in our bodies thank you very much.

We saw an episode featuring a couple moving to Quito.

It piqued our interest even though Quito is almost as far from the las playas or beaches if you prefer, as you can get in Ecuador.  They spoke of the climate.  The spoke of the affordability.  They spoke of the wonderful people.  We saw opportunity.  Fast forward.

We are in Crucita now.  As you already know, we faced quite a few surprises.  There are many to come.  One of the biggest surprises in the whole process was the reactions of our family and friends. Looking back I am more than a bit surprised by our actions as well.

Daughter and Mother.  Lovely.

Surprise #1:  Family - What do you mean you are moving to Ecuador?  Half a world away!  A third world country at that!

We have a great family.  Hard workers, loving, and caring all.  Almost all immediate family live in Jax (Jacksonville) from whence we came.  It is a large family.  A daughter, a brother, and a father live further away but again, most are in Jax.  Most everyone knew we were moving to Ecuador. They knew of our dreams.  When we pulled the trigger why were they not all just so happy for us? Happy we were following our dreams?

Jesse and Loca painted by Tamera.

First off, dreams are just that; dreams. You can talk of your dreams all you want. No one ever knows what is really in your head but you.  Your family is not involved your decision making process.  They don't know where your head is.  They are not there for all the hard work like researching, checking, Skyping, calling *cringe* Government offices/financial institutions, paperwork, and organizing it all. No one really expects you to risk everything and follow dreams.  I mean, who does that?

No one wants to see you go either.  We are leaving our children (now adults) behind.  We are going to be far, far away.  It did not help that we moved our timetable up by almost a year.  When we started trying to organize with our family (who gets what valuables and heirlooms, visiting schedules, etc.) we might as well have poked them in the eye with a sharp stick. Repeatedly.  No really one expected we would move to Ecuador.  Another country.  A different continent.  A different hemisphere.  Not that fast anyway.

Show off!

We received mixed reactions.  Some vehement, others not. There was anger, there was bewilderment, there was sadness. There was also understanding, pride, and hope.  Sometimes in the same sentence from the same person.  Sometimes not. Being there, going through it all was harder than you can imagine.  For all of us.  I don't think anyone can see the other's side when you are in it.  It takes a little distance to get a lot of perspective.

Surprise #2:  Art - What are you willing to give up?

We are accomplished artists my wife and I.  My wife paints extremely well.  Oil is her preferred medium but she is equally talented with watercolor and drawing.  Photography is something else in which she excels   She loves capturing architecture on film and then painting the same.  Surrealism is where she lives.  She also writes occasionally. She is a natural lyricist. She is adept at capturing her dreams in all these mediums and I am always impressed. You see, she does it all on her own. No help, no net. Just her and her talent.

Scott and I rockin' it!

My art is practiced almost exclusively with others.  I am a musician.  Bajos or bass guitar is my thing.  Rock for the most part.  I write lyrics and compose.  Have done since my Father bought me my first guitar when I was 13.  I do a fair job as a recording engineer too though you won't catch anyone hiring me to engineer and produce their stuff.  I learned by ear, like I am learning Spanish, by diving in with those who already spoke the language and learning on the fly.  By age fifteen I had my first paying gig.  In 1996 I was in Nashville recording my first professionally engineered CD.  I work my art with the benefit of help from others.  A collective process.  I love the stage.  I have been in a working band my whole life until that is, about a month ago.  The last one was the one of the best I've ever been in.  "Ozonebaby You're Amazing!"

My wife left all of her art behind.  She sold all of her production equipment.  I quit a great band.  I sold all my equipment including my git fiddles.  Too much equipment, too heavy to ship, too costly.  We have both done this all our lives.  It is like we quit breathing, sleeping, or eating.  We are both going a little nuts with the loss right now.  We could only bring so much and will have to ferry things back when we visit.  We will buy mostly new equipment here.

Fun with family and my friend, Rob.

Surprise #3:  Friends - What the -?

My wife lived in Jax all her life.  She grew up with Anastasia Island, springs, and bogs.  I was born in Virginia.  A life of mountains and life on the water in summer a la the Elizabeth River in Portsmouth.  By age nine I was living in Florida.  My point is we both have lifelong friends in Jax.  From school, from work, from our art.  They are family too.  There was an added family for me in the form of the band.  The concept of band is hard for a lot of people to understand.  Being in one is like having extended family.  You love the good and tolerate the bad if you want to be successful.  You can not keep one together.  You can keep the name and the idea together.  Like Legos, band members are interchangeable.  The idea of the band, the music, the theme, stays the same.  The spirit is there and with the right guys, the energy is there too.

We do what we do.

Our friend's reactions varied just like our family's.  I can only believe everyone experiences the same range of emotions.

Surprise #4: Us vs. Them - Wha, Wha, Whaaaaat?!

Now for the hardest one.  The one where we have to look at ourselves and come to grips with our own mistakes,  Please remember I (TJ) am writing this.

My wife and I are partners, lovers, and friends.

We do not necessarily share the same view ALL the time.  On this we may differ a bit.  On all of it we may differ, but only a bit.

We could have done a better job communicating.  We should have done.  We got defensive.  We never thought in a million years anyone would be unhappy with the choice.  We were not prepared for ANY negativity at all.  We got hurt but never truly understood how we might be hurting others. It is family, close friends.  We are realizing our dream, going to live in paradise after all. They MUST BE HAPPY FOR US!

Jessica's graduation.  With Jesse, Honey, and family.

No they must not.  In this we were all a bit selfish, a bit close minded.  There is a lot of stress involved for those moving away.  There is a lot of stress involved for those who aren't.  We wanted no, craved support.  We sometimes felt we were not getting it.  We felt we were being second guessed, that we were making a mistake, that people thought we were crazy.  We were told that.  People react strangely when someone they love, someone they have know all their lives, leaves. Especially as suddenly as we did.  We did not give them much time to process it.  It was a necessary evil.  The reality is, there was no us vs. them.  There was fear of change and loss.  There was misunderstanding.

Wedding guests?  Family!

Surprise #5: Strangers - Wow!  That is amazing!  Tell us all about it!  You are so lucky!

Ahhh.  Sweet validation.  Bittersweet.  For all the worry over family there is nothing but curiosity and well wishes from those you don't know.  On the surface anyway.  You meet a lot of people when getting your paperwork ready.  You have to tell them what you are doing no matter what.  They all have a million questions no matter who else is waiting behind you. Some are genuinely interested.  Their eyes eat up their face as they lean in and partake of the story, your courageous exploits.  Adventure in South America!  Yay!

Then there are those whose eyes flicker.  Their face slackens just a bit and their smiles do not reach their eyes.  Feigned interest.  Doubt.  You know the words coming out of their mouths are not what they're thinking. Body language is the great equalizer.  You tell them just the same.

It can feel good.  You will trick yourself into believing they are all "with" you.  It's not true and never will be.

For Nana.

I hope this helps you prepare.  Your family and friends will come around. They may not agree with you or your thinking. They may try and talk you out of it, and why not?  They love you and have a genuine concern for you well being. First and foremost remember who they are. They love you.  Take pause. Remember it again.  They love you.  In the end that is all that matters. Ever. Adios!

Questions? E-mail us!

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